If your love life isn’t living up to your expectations, consider a closer look at your environment. Clutter is a metaphor. When our spaces are a cluttered mess, it adds stress to any relationship. Simplifying our stuff and organizing our lives doesn’t just make life more convenient, it makes the spaces we inhabit more inspiring. These are my six steps to declutter your way to epic love, great sex and relationships that last.
- Get clear on desire. When you tune into what you want, it makes it easier to go after it – and ask for it directly. Know that you’ll need to do your part to fulfill your partner’s desire, but that’s an invitation to engage and connect with one another around what you both Frame desires in the positive rather than focusing on what you don’t want. That may help you and your partner to feel less defensive about striking a compromise and following through with thoughtful sincerity.
- Clean up. A messy space invites conflict and chaos. Purge the junk you don’t want, like or need. Organize the essentials in a way that enables you to find things when you need them – and then conveniently put them away. Doing so, creates the opportunity to design relaxing, inviting spaces in your home for calmly reconnecting with your lover. Interior design should play a big role in creating warm, sensual spaces for intimacy. It’s harder to “get in the mood” when the bedroom is a pigsty. Clean up. Put your stuff away. Make the bed. Light some candles. Turn off the damn television. Be intentional about creating spaces that are conducive to meaningful engagement without unpleasant distractions.
- When all you want to do is run away, choose to re-engage. Picture two circles. Each one wants to be whole and complete. When couples fight, the natural tendency is to move in polarizing directions. Consciously choose not to. Do the opposite when you feel conflict and take a step towards one another. The easiest way to do this is to lovingly take your partner’s hand. Agree that something is amiss, but you’re both on the same team in trying to solve this problem. Identifying shared ideals and patiently nurturing commonality is a step in the right direction.
- Ask for what you want. Be specific. Remove all doubt and ambiguity by clearly stating what you desire. Invite your partner to do the same. Know this, both men and woman crave intimacy. How we go about it can be very different. If you want your man to re-engage, put your hands on him. Flirt with him. This will communicate that you want his affection. If you want your woman to re-engage, ask her questions. Listen to her. Reassure her that you want her affection and you’re willing to do your part to satisfy her Remember, you’re lovers – not siblings. We should always be respectful.
- Schedule sexy time. Spontaneity is awesome, but it’s harder to feel extemporaneously sexy in disorganized and cluttered spaces. Schedule date night and start warming each other up the day before. Flirt. Talk about it. Prepare for it. Build a sense of anticipation, and it won’t feel mechanical and contrived.
- Commit. Creating a culture of commitment in your household ensures an obligation towards integrity. In our home, we do what we say we will do – or we make it right. We honor our promises, including the vows we took when we got married. We renew them every year on our anniversary. We respectfully call each other out when we need reminders about what we’ve agreed to. We’re cheerleaders and advocates – and we go out of our way to build sustainability in a fun and rewarding relationship that celebrates communication, intimacy, trust, and partnership.
You can declutter you way to epic love, great sex, and relationships that last.
Put away the laundry and organize the kitchen – it’s the best aphrodisiac there is. Trust me.
A new pocket guide by Evan Michael Zislis, author of the Amazon Bestseller, ClutterFree Revolution: Simplify Your Stuff, Organize Your Life & Save the World. http://amzn.to/1M9c9fb